Sleep divorce: what it is, and what to try before the spare room

Nearly a third of US adults sleep apart from a partner. What a sleep divorce is, why couples choose it, and five things to try first.

By the Vespré team Updated 5 min read
A bright bedroom with one bed made up with two separate duvets

The short answer

A sleep divorce is when a couple chooses to sleep in a separate bed in the same room, or in another room, so both of them sleep better. It is common: in a 2025 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 31% of US adults said they had adopted separate sleeping arrangements. If snoring or noise is the reason, there are a few things worth trying first, and there is nothing wrong with the spare room if they do not work.

It usually starts with one night on the sofa. Then it is two. Then someone says the words out loud, half joking, and the other person does not laugh.

Sleeping apart has a name now, and a lot less stigma than it used to. Here is what a sleep divorce actually is, why so many couples choose one, and what to try before you move the pillows.

What a sleep divorce actually is

It is simply sleeping separately on purpose, in another bed or another room, because sharing is costing one or both of you sleep. Some couples do it every night. Many do it some nights, or start the night together and split when one of them needs to.

AASM spokesperson Dr. Seema Khosla describes it as mutual respect for each other's sleep space rather than a sign of a troubled relationship.

How common it is

More common than most people assume. In the AASM's 2025 survey of 2,007 US adults:

  • 31%have adopted separate sleeping arrangements with a partner.
  • 39% of 35 to 44 year oldsthe age group most likely to sleep apart.
  • 18% of over 65sthe least likely.
  • 37%go to sleep at a different time than they would like, to fit around a partner.

Why do couples sleep apart?

The reasons are rarely about the relationship. They are about the night: one of you snores, one runs hot, one reads late with the light on, one wakes at 3am or gets up at five, one kicks. Snoring and noise come up again and again, and they are the reasons most worth tackling first, because they are the most fixable.

A man snoring on his back while his partner sleeps peacefully beside him
Snoring is one of the most common reasons couples end up sleeping apart.

Five things to try before the spare room

  • Treat loud snoring as a health questionSnoring with pauses or gasps can be a sign of sleep apnea. About 80% of sleep apnea cases in the US go undiagnosed, according to the AASM, so a doctor's visit for the snorer can help you both.
  • Earplugs for the light sleeperSoft silicone ones that sit low in the ear turn snoring down enough that it is less likely to wake you. More on that in earplugs for snoring.
  • Two duvets, one bedSometimes called the Scandinavian sleep method. Separate covers stop the tug of war and help if one of you runs hot.
  • Staggered bedtimesLet the light sleeper fall asleep first, before the snoring starts.
  • A silent alarmA vibrating watch or wristband wakes the early riser without waking the other. The AASM survey found 15% already use one.

The goal is not to stay in the same bed at any cost. It is for both of you to wake up rested

Where earplugs fit in

If snoring is the main reason, earplugs are often the cheapest thing to try, and the quickest to find out about. The catch is that most earplugs are not made for sleeping. They stick out, ache on a pillow, and work loose by the early hours, which is exactly when the snoring is hardest to sleep through.

Look for soft silicone, a shape that sits low in the ear, and more than one tip size. Expect the snoring to come through softer, not to vanish. For a lot of couples that is enough to stay in the same bed. For some it is not, and that is fine too.

What are the pros and cons of a sleep divorce?

  • The upsideBoth of you sleep on your own terms: your temperature, your light, your bedtime, no snoring beside you.
  • The downsideLess time close together at night, and it can feel like a rejection if one of you wants it more than the other. It works best when it is agreed, not imposed.

When is sleeping apart the right call?

If you have tried the fixes and one of you still is not sleeping, sleeping apart is a reasonable, grown-up choice. Plenty of couples keep the closeness by starting the evening together, reading or talking in one bed, and then splitting for sleep.

Questions people ask

Is a sleep divorce bad for a relationship?

Not necessarily. Dr. Seema Khosla of the AASM describes it as respecting each other's sleep space rather than a sign of trouble. What matters is that you both agree to it and keep time together in other ways.

How do you bring up sleeping apart?

Make it about sleep, not about them. Talk about how tired you both are, suggest trying the fixes above first, and frame separate rooms as an experiment you can undo.

What percentage of couples sleep in separate beds?

In the AASM's 2025 survey, 31% of US adults said they had adopted separate sleeping arrangements with a partner, rising to 39% among 35 to 44 year olds.

What is the Scandinavian sleep method?

Sharing a bed but using two separate duvets, one each. It stops the tug of war over covers and helps if you like different temperatures.

Can earplugs replace a sleep divorce?

For some couples, yes. If snoring is the main problem, earplugs made for sleep can turn it down enough to share a bed. They will not help with a partner who kicks, runs hot or gets up at five.

Every Vespré shape comes with 30 nights to decide, and used returns are fine. Try them before you move the pillows.

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